Who Am I?

TIME FOR REFLECTION

It is getting close to that time of the year… Another anniversary of the day I was born. These days as my date of birth approaches, I tend to reflect on what my life means. The older I get, the more retrospective I get. Perhaps this is because I have lived almost most of my life and the end is not too far. I think that is a good thing to do, to reflect.

So today I decided that I will put some thoughts on paper. After all, I do have a website, and I need to make good use of it. Doesn’t matter if no one reads it, it is just for me. so many thoughts whirling in my head, and I might need to revisit this blog periodically to put in more of my thoughts.

A byproduct of living alone is that there is so much time to think. No distractions, no demands on my thoughts. In some ways, it’s a good thing, but in other ways, it is not. After almost 26 years, I should have come to terms with it.

Recently, things have happened in my life that have made me question as to who the heck I am.

I was a daughter, but now both my parents are gone, so I no longer think of myself as a daughter. But was I a good daughter? I could have been a lot better.  In my youth I got so absorbed in my own life that I was derelict in my duties to my parents; not that they expected anything of me.  The only thing they desired was my happiness.

Then I got married, and I was a wife. Now with my husband gone, I am no longer a wife. I keep wondering if I was a good wife.  I lost him too soon…our life together was just beginning having raised two kids and seeing them off to college.  Now we had time for each other…then the rug got pulled under me. So many regrets there…

I have children, so I became a mother. I still have children and I’m still a mother. Now I am even a grandmother-grandmother of four.  Here again I wonder if I was/am a good mother.  Doubts, doubts, and more doubts.  I have time to make up for that, but is there a way to erase some of the mistakes?

I am a friend. I do have a sizeable number of friends, some close and some not so.  I always wonder if I am a good friend or do I take more than I give.

There are so many things I could have achieved…I dabble in so many different hobbies but never have I felt that I am good at any of it.

To be continued….